I’m Choosing Peace Over a Ninja Kick 🥋

Let’s talk about one of life’s little delights: someone getting angry with you and deciding that you are apparently the perfect place to dump every ounce of frustration they have been carrying around since 1997.

You know the situation. You’re minding your own business, having a perfectly ordinary day, when suddenly someone comes at you with an attitude that makes you wonder if you accidentally wandered into a fight you weren't informed about.

And your first instinct is usually very mature. Very reasonable. Very adult. Ninja kick to the shoulders.

Obviously, we don't do that. Probably.

Instead, we stand there trying to figure out what the hell just happened while our brain cycles through approximately seventeen possible responses, ranging from “I'm sorry, are you talking to me?” to “This conversation has been terminated due to excessive stupidity.”

The hard part is knowing what to do when someone lashes out at you without allowing their behavior to drag you into the same emotional mud puddle. Because let's be honest: when someone comes at you aggressively, your nervous system doesn't exactly whisper, “Let's approach this with calm curiosity.” It says, “OH, SO WE'RE DOING THIS?”

And suddenly your inner peace has left the building.

I've learned that one of the best things you can do is pause. Not because the other person deserves some beautifully composed response worthy of a meditation retreat, but because giving yourself a few seconds can keep you from saying something that feels fantastic for approximately eleven seconds and terrible for the next eleven days.

Sometimes the best response is simply, “I'm willing to talk about this, but I'm not willing to be spoken to that way.”

That's it. No twenty-minute explanation. No courtroom closing argument. No PowerPoint presentation with supporting documentation and Appendix C.

Just a boundary.

And if they keep going? You can walk away.

Which, frankly, is sometimes much more satisfying than arguing.

Because there is something strangely powerful about refusing to participate in someone else's emotional circus. They can yell. They can accuse. They can stomp around like they've just been informed that their favorite restaurant has permanently closed. You don't have to climb into the ring with them.

That doesn't mean you don't defend yourself. It doesn't mean you accept unfair treatment. And it certainly doesn't mean you have to pretend their behavior is okay. It just means you get to decide whether their anger is going to become your problem.

And sometimes, the answer is simply no.

Of course, there are moments when walking away isn't possible, especially when the relationship matters or the situation needs to be resolved. Then it becomes a little more complicated. You have to figure out whether the person is genuinely upset about something you can address, or whether you have simply become the convenient target for emotions that really belong somewhere else.

And that distinction matters.

Because not every angry person is attacking you. Sometimes people are overwhelmed, scared, frustrated, embarrassed, or dealing with something completely unrelated to you.

But even then, there is a difference between having a bad moment and making someone else responsible for your bad behavior.

So now I'm curious about you.

How do you handle someone who lashes out at you?

Do you stay calm? Walk away? Set a boundary? Give them a little time and come back to the conversation later?

Or do you, like the rest of us, briefly fantasize about delivering one perfectly executed ninja kick to the shoulders before remembering that assault is generally frowned upon?

Asking for a friend.

A very calm, emotionally regulated friend.

Who definitely has not been practicing her ninja kick.