When Dementia Changes the Questions 💭

I’ve been turning this over in my mind lately: when dementia enters the room, do we let it carry its course, or do we try to steer the direction?

With Mom, the conversation feels suspended between two worlds. On one hand, she says she’s fine living on her own — and of course she does, because who wouldn’t want to hold onto independence? On the other hand, her memory has slipped further, and I can’t help but wonder how much of her “choice” is really the disease speaking.

Her doctor quietly agrees that it may be time to activate the Power of Attorney. That thought lingers with me. Because while her son is asking how she feels about her living situation, I’m asking a different question: is waiting until a crisis really fair to her?

Maybe this is where the hard truth of dementia shows itself. There isn’t a neat answer, only a space filled with “what ifs.” What if letting things run naturally means we miss the chance to protect her from harm? What if stepping in feels like taking away the little autonomy she has left?

I don’t know which weighs heavier: the risk of doing too little, or the guilt of doing too much. For now, I sit with the question — and maybe that’s all any of us can do.