Caffeine, Chaos, and Crooked Lashes: A Love Story

Let me set the scene: it's 6:02 AM, my hair looks like I lost a fight with an electrical socket, and I’m clinging to my third cup of coffee like it holds the secrets of the universe. Spoiler alert—it does not. What it does hold is the faint hope that if I drink just one more cup, I might feel something. Anything. But alas, I could drink 10,000 more and still feel like a deflated air mattress in a hotel hallway.

Then came the lashes. Oh yes, the lashes.

Today I decided to attempt a little glam. I figured, why not? Maybe fake lashes would give me the boost coffee couldn’t. I mean, people walk around looking like butterfly goddesses every day, so surely I could manage a strip and some glue.

Wrong.

The glue laughed in my face. One eye? Nailed it. The other? Let’s just say it looked like I applied it while riding a mechanical bull blindfolded. And removing them? HAH. That glue was not playing games. I practically needed a chisel and an exorcism to get one corner to lift.

Moral of the story? Eyelash glue is stronger than my will to live before 9 AM.

So here I am—barely caffeinated, slightly sticky-eyed, and still not cute—but hey, I tried. And if trying counts for anything, I’m basically a damn queen.

Until tomorrow, when I inevitably try it all again like a goldfish with a makeup addiction.

XO,
A Sassy Survivor of Lash Wars and Caffeine Regret

Ever battled lash glue or felt like coffee betrayed you too? Tell me your funniest glam fail—I need to know I’m not alone out here!